So I've been watching lots of movies lately. And I mean lots. While some of them made me take a short trip to the bathroom and puke all over the sink, others had a calming effect on me - such as The Human Centipede. Yea, I'm sick. But that's another story. Here, I'm going to say a few words about Un Prophete, a movie that incorporates all the good things from Prison Break into a 155-minute stinky piece of art. Because prison bathrooms are stinky. Got it? Oh, screw you and your sense of humor! I have good jokes too!
Now, a short synopsis. So there's this half-arabian-half-french guy, right? For some reason, the director decides not to tell us why he got into prison and he just makes subtle references to it, which is a great thing in my opinion. People aren't potatoes, they should use their brain cells. Aaanyway, this El-Something-Something Arab has spent half of his 19 years of life in juvenile detention, this being the first time when he does time in a real prison. He has no friends whatsoever, so the only thing he can do is stay out of trouble for as long as possible until he serves his 6 years of detention. Good plan, huh? With no future prospects, this scum (for I had no fucking reason to admire or resonate with his fucking lazy Arabian ass) drains his hopes from, umm... he doesn't have any future plans, I'm afraid. But here comes to good twist! Know that prison cliche saying that if you drop the soap in a prison shower you end up with a 12 inch long... oh forget it, I think you already know it. For some reason, some of you may have already experienced it. Deliberately. AAANYWAY. So there's another Arabian guy in the shower and he feels a bit lonely. With only two weeks to serve in that rathole, guess what? He proposes to this El-Something-Something to blow him for some hash. A respectful gentleman with such high standards like our guy proptly denies. But that guy who wanted his daily blowjob happens to be a very dangerous person for the inner mobs, willing to testify against some gangster friends of theirs. Or whatever. So the mob (because there HAS to be a mafia mob with guard influences in every prison) tries to co-opt this El-Smth-Smth guy to kill his new friend. Or else. The story is much more complicated and I don't want to give you knuckle heads more spoilers than I've already given.
There are a few flaws to be expected, though. Even if this is not an agregate for the biggest cliches in the movie history, it gets its part of glory. For example, the mafia thing. Why the fuck does a motherfucking mafia mob has to be in every prison? And what the fuck is he doing there, since he has such a big influence on the guards that he can even make them beat the crap out of the Muslims? Oh, I almost forgot. Like in every prison, there are two "teams", in this case the Muslims and the Corsicans. What a surprise, huh?
But, overall, this is an exceptional movie for a boring Monday evening. And nothing more. Ok, it may be ten thousand classes over most of the prison movies from the last decade. Also, I've seen lots of dumbfucks who, for some misterious reason, can generate enough money to pay for their Internet connection, saying that "Fuck you and your fucking piece of shit, Audiard! This movies is not realistic! Herp, derp, look at me forcing a fart on the Internet. Damn, that was shit." Well, dear obscure morron from the Interwebs, I have nothing to say to you other that "Blow me." There is no such thing as a realistic movie. No one has to serve time in a rathole in order to correctly evaluate the realismm from a prison movie. Period. That thing you morrons visualize but can't explain with your nut brains is called plausibility. Say with me: PLAUSIBILITY.
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Note: I will not give any scores to the movies I try to review here. I fucking hate review scores, not necessarily because they can't rate a movie well enough, but because of the dumbshits that skip the article and read the score only, then come to the comment section and shout "HURR DURR THAT MOVIE DESERVED AN 8, NOT A 6." You, little retard, have nothing to do with movies or with anything else from this planet. Please PM me your address so I can deliver you 10 feet of strong rope, free of charge. Thank you.
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